Do You Speak Up?

In memory of an awesome conversation I was having with a girl recently, we talked about gender relations – communication in a relationship and power. Most of all, we agreed guys our age were vastly intimidated by us.

Bringing up an example of a party companion that had excellent communication skills, always speaking of his desires, thoughts and movements; I noted that as girls we are meant to be the coy ones in a relationship and let the guy lead. In this case, as independent women who have power that “coy training” was useless and baseless. My friend said, why do we care so much on a guy’s opinion anyway?

I replied, probably because it is a biological and social conditioning; we get off on being conquered. Therefore the act of not communicating is meant to serve some purpose while the guy does the chasing. But now, as open minded, educated, travel- loving people the space for open dialogue has become necessary. In other words, you gotta state what you want or you won’t get it.
This also supports what female entrepreneurs claim. Those most courageous felines.

The more we spoke about it, the more I realized that times were really, seriously, legitimately changing; girls have more equality than ever before and I do not associate this with marches. I mean in a legitimate, roughly democratic environment where groups of men are fully aware of a womans potential as a person; and boys are raised to understand their sisters and mothers are capable of anything (which we always have been)… that’s the equality I’m talking about. Supported by law, understood and celebrated by society.

In the same degree I realized that a whole bunch of things happened because my party companion was verbal about his likes, dislikes and what he was up to. Me… not so much. Until the end, when things got irritating. Had I spoken up, the guy would have known about how much I like the casual aspect of our companionship; how much I had to get used to the fact that he will dance with anyone; how sometimes I had to remind myself that we are party companions, nothing more and how much he sometimes struck me as arrogant or not always present at places I wished he had come to. And then that wonderful memory of a night picnic in the park where he joked I was his girlfriend and I was savouring the attention but should have pulled him aside (thankgod I didn’t) and asked what his deal was. For a guy who was striving so hard to prove we were publicly not together… I should have been more suspicious.

We are ruled by care, fears, social status, entertainment and ultimately as things evolve – it gets hard to face what’s going on because we are scared of changes, full stop.

Girls need to take on their big girl boots and say and do exactly what they want in any partnership, in any friendly situation. Have I done that? No, because I’m as flawed as anyone else. I put on a hardcore mask because I don’t want people’s judgment when they find out I am so soft I melt around pets and still sleep with stuffed animals. And don’t get me started on my competitive nature. I turn into a guy.

So… do you speak up? I know I will when I want to set a boundary.

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