Lately I realized what it is that would keep me from saying yes to a nice committed relationship.
Not the commitment itself; but the involvement. You do not want to invest your time and passion and find out the person realized they’re no longer interested in you; and memories come in.
All this meaning – suddenly turns to ash. That’s not a healthy life to me. So for the last few years I started a filter on guys – sort the crap from the good. Who actually wants a relation, who wants a badonkadonk – who wants some nursing. And who can actually be a platonic friend.
I will not become best friends with your parents and then find out no one calls when we break up. I will not make friends with people who know you, and then find out when you’re not interested… that they are now forced to choose sides.
I hate to choose sides. This isn’t war (and it ALWAYS is somehow) this isn’t propaganda. This is people finding out they became incompatible (or whatever BS justifies the crazy treatment during break up) and suddenly 2 whole communities, which in reality is 1, are also splitting.
And I realize I would love to know someone who will provide support and I can give support to; but if it is superficial, without status, without added value, commitment or otherwise – then the level of involvement isn’t enough to justify.
This is also where something stunned me. Some time ago I got pretty close to one guy and he asked me if I liked him, in a round about way. Like: “you can’t tell me you don’t like me” while pressed against me near the wall at a club, hooking his fingers on my jean belt loops.
I thought “you can get intimate without liking a person? How does that work?” … because apparently that can happen. Hypothetically.
With me, it doesn’t. I never could do casual. It is such an icky area.
I am a deep, meaningful straight shooter that will never belong to the mainstream. Hence I sit with the nerds having a great time – instead of the pretty posers.
Oh yeah, I can do commitment. First, you show me your value as a person.