I recently ran into a very interesting topic, along the lines of “when to drop the what are we bomb” .
I was in my bed, realising I was more traditional than I assumed. And secondly I’ve been researching the topic.
Some don’t care about it – others, say its super important to make a claim on a label. And now I agree.
Expectations, guys. You can’t keep giving a guy you really like a long and weird “this is what we are doing but we’re not official” label.
That’s too insecure. Indecisive. To get through YOUR mess, your inner circle already knows what you are. Committed, hanging out, entertaining each other: a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a partner – not a “what’s his face” label.
This is a social level I’m talking about now.
Secondly, the minute you claim someone, you have the label of decisiveness, progress, and clarity. And that means you have your stuff together, you own your life, you know what you want and you know where you stand with each other. That’s a personal level.
Something I was challenged about many times;
– are you honest with yourself,
– do you want to involve yourself someone’s life, be a source of reliance &
– ultimately do you have a vision you’re working for? I know I admitted to myself, that I didn’t have one at some point.
This attitude that stems from the word “bomb” makes me scratch my head.
When I was heading into this wonderful source of anxiety called a bomb, I know a relationship was potentially on the plate but it was also super early days and the guy had a puppy ego. Sometimes a little demanding.
For example when I was waiting for a phone call on a Friday night because you agreed you couldn’t meet up because the guy had a long day with team audit harassing his work.
On the day… I was fair. I played casual. So what if he dropped into a nap on the way back home at 9pm. That’s what happens when you start at 6am and don’t finish until like, 8pm.
But then, I got angry with myself. Why was I playing casual – I was clearly angry at something. The guy didn’t text me any news until 11pm, missing an agreed on kurfew because of sleep and a shower. And he knew it. He was expecting a “mad” woman (in his words). And I had every right to be angry.
But I control myself… in this crazy world that is in fact a strength and something I’m infamous for.
But what I was mad at – was the intuition that somehow I got attached, relied on a plan, it semi back fired – and instead of knowing I’m stable with a label and a commitment and knowledge that the guy would message me back (and he did, knowing I’d be mad…. but that wasn’t the reason I wanted him to call)
It could not, did not, help me get a proper justification of why I could be mad.
How could I be mad when he ain’t claiming me and I ain’t claiming him, even though everyone knows we’re going out?
And I was mad at myself for leaping into this situation. I is not stupid. I does not make mistakes. I does not need reassurance and validation from males. WHEN did I let myself get into this?
So… labels are important. Why are we avoiding them? Accountability, stability – since when did we buy into the idea that that stuff is to be avoided? The minute you grow into a person, you don’t find value in all the stuff idiots and kids* buy into from mainstream culture.
* by idiots I mean kids who grew up into adults but still buy into the same rubbish.