To continue the “Mummifying the Weird Experiences” post, here are a few more points:
Being asked if I’m not going out with a guy I just made out with three times or more in two different pubs or more, the next day — How can parents be totally oblivious and so fear stricken for the kids that they do not see evidence directly in their eyes, that the reality is different? I calmed down my relative because I had to and said yeah me and this guy are just friends. The ridiculously loud “oh phew” in response… to this day, makes me wonder.
Parents who abandon their kids at infancy then holler their love through social media – I honestly think there’s something mentally wrong with them. I know a guy whose mum gave him up for adoption when she just had him, and she had another baby girl to care for at the same time. Needless to say the guy exists, is super dominant, super smart and also a very very lost puppy. He explained the situation to me and our friends ages back, but I could cut through the BS like lucy liu in Kill Bill. When a parent does something indicative of abandonment, their positive words later: “looking amazing honey, so handsome, I love you” really no longer matter. To make matters even more bizarre this guy, his bio mum and adopted mum are best friends. And he knows it. He told me. I also deeply relate as I have the same situation with a father who I think, regrets showing me the door when I just met his second wife and later burst into tears. I no longer believe his words have meaning. I wouldn’t wish it onto my worst enemy, or anyone.
Living with a person who you are suspicious of being bi-polar — this is very dangerous. To begin with, extremes of anything is bad. But to live with that sets you conditioned for life. Which is why I decided to work on myself for a few years because I knew I had been conditioned, but that’s all it was. A condition to work through. Why is this weird? The person I’m mentioning is a close relative. People you are brought up to love, see as stable and credible, are very very difficult to approach from the “hey yo unhand me you mentally retarded dick” angle of caution. Worst still is growing into the sense that not everyone has this retardedness factor. Your parent is your model. Or in this case, someone to play offence with for all the abuse they put your mum through. Again, super weird, super hard, glad I don’t live with that any more.
The only thing that’s changed in all this time between the sexes is the law —
Between looking at couples now, then, during roman times and the medici period, I realized that perhaps some guys will always screw girls right left and center, perhaps some will always act like pricks. And the girls will always take it because that’s just natural, guys are made to lead even if they act like gorillas in the process or forget their purpose as guys. The only thing that’s changed since then is female agency i.e. I can do whatever I wish, and I will be protected by law. My stuff is my stuff. My baby is my baby. My family is my family (hopefully), my career is mine. My house is mine.
Why is this weird…. probably because of the hype that the world has changed so much, modernism, individualism, sexuality etc. One night when I was sick of a guy hollering about his awesomeness and put that together with a modern script from Masters of Florence trailers; I encountered this thing. Law recognized through tonnes and tonnes of work by women and supportive men, that women are indeed just like men and so should have the same freaking rights like they do. Between that and men who have been raised right and to respect women (sometimes this is a society vs individual thing, so I’m not stating all men are terrible) I realised there’s a lot that’s unchanged.
That moment when a guy is taken aback by my capabilities — I am one of those marvellous creatures who in the 21st century, means what she says. Some of my good friends acknowledge this and come to me for guidance, support and recommendations – others just seek status. So when I told a couple of guys about how I cut contact with two of the most important people in my life once (my first love and my father) for good reasons, they seemed in awe. It wasn’t until much later when I could handle no communication from them, that they couldn’t quite grasp the emotional strength it takes to cut important people from one’s life. Not recommending this of course, but the weird thing here is – people think they get the concept, but when reality knocks – the rug gets pulled out from under them. People nod at you like you speak of an incredible theatrical play… but in the end the legacy lives in you. They feel it.
That incredible moment when you realize four huge, smart, full grown men crushed hard on you – this is weird because oh my god guys have emotion!? One would try get my attention through food giveaways; another would hit on me at a party and invite me to many more; another gave an invitation to travel to his country; yet another just had to rave over chat about his awesome prawns eaten in awesome company with awesome drink and said “this is what heaven must taste like” … I should have checked back on that. What’s weird here? Shouldn’t I be enjoying myself? Well, I was. The weird part is because that kind of gives me power and that wow factor. Spaniard, Mexican, American, and a Swiss German. After all, it takes more than looks to keep friendships going.
Dating in Switzerland — I have met lots of cultures here I couldn’t back in Australia; such as more Africans, Russians, Americans, Turks, Latinos, Brits… etc. The part that isn’t so cool is trying to figure out whether a guy is giving signals as part of his cultural customs… or because he actually feels something for you. Trust me this bit keeps getting me. Self-doubt is the most annoying and weirdest thing you can imagine when your whole goal is to discover something and freaking relax: a. You live in a privileged country that attracts international people like bees to honey; b. You get majorly confused of the source of intention, with anything that’s done…. some are prouder of their cultures than others. A Balkan rose given as a gesture which I had to double check was a gesture; Spanish poetry in the air while a guy tried to keep seducing me on a balcony in the morning on a Sunday; a call to dance when there were clearly 4 very skankily dressed other girls around; the list goes on.
Ogling at a half naked male with tanned abs like my latina ex flatmate —
same thing goes for ogling clint eastwood’s son (also not bad). The weirdness comes from the fact that I couldn’t naturally ogle a guy’s body like a typical mid 20s girl. I saw it from a distance. I had been bruised by life, seen a rough divorce and done a lot of things to keep myself out of trouble. So somehow seeing sculpted abs on a guy in a picture, didn’t do much for me. I wanted to see the actual person. It wasn’t until I spoke with my latina ex flatmate, undoing some crazy damage with supportive latin love that I finally could start step by step, admiring beefcakes around me. She pointed out her similar background with her family, and how I needed to let all that go, and live a little. I kind of owe my “wake up” or to be exact “landing back to earth” to her. I gave myself permission through some steps, to act like a typical mid 20s girl and enjoy whatever comes for that age. Visibly able to oggle a hottie, was very important. There’s something latina’s can teach you when it comes to life and all its spices. This “landing back to earth” and pausing on the act of being a responsible adult for everyone at the cost of not being or acting like a dumbass again, I owe to her.
It took a can of vodka and a moment of inspiration after googling “when you have a crush” to write these 6 pages. If anything is weird, it’s me XD
Miracles happen when you banish negativity from your life — I might end this post with this musing; getting rid of negativity in whatever shape or form, out of your life, is a godsend and a miracle in one. It lets positivity and love flow into your life like crazy.
We had some house guests during spring and both of them gave me graduation presents (nice bracelets) which I totally did not expect. The gifts were just manifestations of their sentiment and good natures but to me it also reminded me of something; life. Life happened when myself and my mum were doing our thing, just us. We attracted crazy cool people, love, celebration, help and much more. I said – “why is it after you guys divorced, that life started to happen?”
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