Ladies and men –
I have seen countless forums and blogs on that critical period of DTR (defining the relationship) and basically everyone either panics, is happy and excited or disappointed.
I HIGHLY recommend doing this ASAP. Even if you call each other, give nicknames, plan stuff together – whatever.
It isn’t over until the fat lady sings.
And by that I mean “being official”. Some incredibly self conceited guys will give affection and say “we”, “us” – whatever it takes to give the illusion that they’re into you but you’re not a couple.
I recently blasted mine with that question.
It took guts. It took assertiveness and a clear plan of what I wanted.
Into the empty space between me, the bar, the beers and the Sultry Guy I asked:
“Are we official?”
A moment passed:
‘Oh My God I’m sweating’ he said looking very uncomfortable.
Ladies, if you can get past the upset this shit can be fun.
You can roast your man and you have every right.
You’re looking at an awesome, smart, beautiful, supportive, in his words ”wonderful” person being with you after more than 5 meetings AND having discussed possibility of marrying – without label or any indication of claiming?
Now that guys, is very self conceited behaviour. NO guy is worth such junk.
But I can tell you what you can do with that sad piece of manhood: take advantage of the situation.
In this context I let anger lead me. I played him while he played me, waited until we left then dropped him from my priority list. My friends insisted he had to give 110% first. Being the family oriented, giving and committed person that I am I learned to listen to friends feedback because like any other woman I was justifying every slap worthy thing he did.. until then.
This was, I promise you, the last time I saw the guy: sweeping him down my priority list, the crazy bastard was totally unaware that I had left the region by Christmas.
Many cool coaches out there plead you to put your foot down and get what you want and it is true. Shit starts moving rapidly when you have a clear plan and ACT on it.
Come what may *tunes out Moulin Rouge*
I then also realized that since I’m in the “game” without a super clear intention plan from this amazing guy:
– That I’m in the prime of life,
– Can flirt with whoever I want including this dude (and I did)
AND PROMISE NOTHING.
It really is the most fun a girl can have with her clothes on.
Yes, sometimes it takes this kind of company to remind me of all the possibilities; I know many play around since they find their sexuality.
Some guys can be a waste of time. Loads are just super lonely – or horny – so it’s not surprising I know people who go out just to get attention, get distracted from work, or to learn something.
You could ask me if all the meetings prior were a waste of time. They were not.
I had fun getting to know the guy – which is originally the whole idea.
And learning from him. I mean thanks to him I levelled up my game, started thinking wider, felt totally unapologetic about being selfish.
It is amazing what happens when you dress up, sex up, and let go.
Goddess Era Begins.
Back to my story: The tension from my question has left the building. I feel he has relaxed a little.
Now because I’m in my half furious state, I decide to level up the game of flirting before we leave the place. This is what I do best when a guy has not given me a satisfactory answer. Not so he will like me, but so that I get to have my fun.
I tell this guy, “I respond to your masculinity” and he immediately takes up space, opens 2 top buttons on his nice black and white checkered shirt – and I am laughing because I am covering my glee and moment of OMG. He stretches his arms out, looks blatantly at the surroundings like he owns it.
Some moments later, three girls on the other side are making fun of him – according to him.
I take one look at him, feel the uncertainty in the air – and reach out to his shirt, blatantly opening it up more, teasing the chest hairs and blowing into his shirt. He’s loving it.
And I know we probably get attention from this. But since the ball is in my court and the lovers and haters are everywhere – I don’t care, just living in the moment. Enjoying a dude’s company and making him feel manly and desired…
Well, turned on. Not that he ever isn’t.
I mean, come on – it’s me 😉
– See what I did there?
So ultimately when the ball is in your park, remember to relax and enjoy. The only thing more beautiful than a gorgeous person is a happy gorgeous person.
Photo: Me, Sydney 2011