You will go through many heartbreaks in life. This is a fact. Something you only realize if you care to reflect back.
I mean, I did.
I am writing this to tell you that the difference between you upset and you being happy in the future – is the decision you make about the heartbreaks.
Understand that the heartbreak is a clash of reality hitting you and your expectations.
Something in life will shift: you love someone, but they decide to head off, break off with you, change plans, anything that does not include you.
You may have to move places, you may have to make decisions on your direction – ambition, career demands, job requirements… or have to pick a fundamentally difficult choice. Even time after time.
Should I stay or should I go –
Ah, time, you can be quite the bitch.
So, say you’re going out with someone who excites you and makes sure you know there is progress. And then you meet someone who meets eye to eye and ego to ego with you on intelligent topics and emotions… even cultural background. But absolutely no attraction, although good chemistry. That just confuses things, even if you remain on track and loyal with the first person.
Or on a different level; you are in love with people, countries, communication, coordinating projects – but the first career field that you find exciting, does not fit you physically. Too much stress, power games, pressure to get things perfect. That is another type of heartbreak. You expect you will be in one field forever and physically you get kicked in the stomach for staying there.
And the third kind of heartbreak – not that I am making up categories here, just stating my discoveries – is the family kind. You could be giving an offer to a better life where you live, and they do not budge. Come hell, high water, invasion or explosion. They always make excuses.
You could be trying hard to get your relative to meet with you to do things with you, to bond again because you’re losing connection with them. And they will never pick you because they might have someone else in their life (new guy, girl, toy, pet, you name it).
Or you could be trying to get them out of the house and seeing people so that they don’t lose their last drop of sanity. And they just fire bullets of hurt back at you. And possibly also as bad, when they laugh at your hard work and treat it like a walk in the park. We all know someone in the family that uses others.
The difference between moping and learning from all that and being… someone who is progressive and wins respect, admiration and probably intimidates everyone else – is the decision of learning and moving on.
For me it is thus: not to take things personally.
In relationships? To communicate, set boundaries, be honest. (You would assume I could do this but I withdrew loads of information back in the day).
There is such a thing as #relationshipgoals. Because you have to have that quality to attract the goal.
In family? Maybe I don’t have a right to tell you what I learned here as all my life family time was either me and Mum or going overseas to see everyone but: it always comes first, no matter what. And similarly to work, you need to respect yourself and set boundaries or people will walk all over.
And secondly I would say, love hard. In the end of the day you will look back at photos and chats as the only opportunity to bond, to give love, and to actually find yourself in there.
As I learned while shifting data from my old phone to my new phone, you will not care about your downloads and your passions. You will care about making time for the people who are important to you. If you have to fight and push for it.
And with every heartbreak, what you can do is ultimately become someone stronger and more intelligent. You realize just how much is not in your control and try relax. If anything that is what I learned in the last few years – you focus on what you can do. And try keep as much sanity as possible.
Kudos to those who keep the positivity – facebook people, instagram and those on twitter –
And of course, offline too.
Photo: credit to boldsky