Little Miss Independent At The Bus Stop: What Am I Trying To Prove?

Corporate chick stands in the middle of fierce Aussie autumn sun, earphones in and bus ticket out. Waiting a good 35 minutes for the bus going back home.
Trucks, buses, cars and trailers move on the road through the roundabout.
I massage my foot against my leg, as the ant coming up is biting.

Sometimes when I say I have nothing to prove, I might be just a little dishonest.

As an above average attractive female I’ve had a great share of lectures on how I should appear, what I should do in my life and have had cat calls and kiss noises from drunk guys. I have also found times when I overdid my charm and a guy would start to come on, thinking I’m flirting ergo I must be interested.
I have also had moments in my Slavic family where I put on a simple white dress and suddenly I’m “nevesta” – a bride.

I see the image people expect of me. I see the line-up of events people think will happen just because I have the looks to use.

What I do is totally different. I smile at people to make them feel good and carry a nice conversation which I live for. I groom myself because I know a standard is required for job interviews and just to feel comfortable at parties. I was never a girly girl, mum never raised me to be a princess either. What I do is treat people with respect and thank them for helping me. Whatever they think of me, I make sure they feel like a person in front of me. Their points are heard and validated, maybe viewpoints expanded because I don’t come from the local pond.

I have been told this just adds to my charm. Most attractive people act like they have something no one else ever will have. That’s a myth I never bought.

The myth I DO buy, is respect for chasing the truth and for pursuing applicable knowledge. Now that’s my hobby. Ergo, I get to rant here.

I am trying hard to prove that I’m not all legs, brains and boobs (not making that up, friends have said so). I am trying hard to prove that I will not use the halo effect even though it always works for me. I am trying to use my brains and get people to see that I chase intelligent things, not manipulations or stuff to add to an ego.
That I chase moral and fair actions, that I stand for the goodness in people.

I am trying hard to prove to my own family that no, just because I dress up for an occasion doesn’t mean that’s all there is to me. I fought for my family values, my degrees and my sanity. I know – that escalated quickly.

But this isn’t stuff that comes from good looking people who are used to things coming to them on a silver platter.
Oh yeah, I also have a religion but I’m very liberal with everyone’s perspective. For example, having a Hindu friend who’s vegetarian, working for a bank. A good mate from Burma, who is gay and just got engaged to a lovely European man. Then, slightly more local – a generous lady with country style values bringing up her third son with a second husband – English and Czech, in love with food, family, teaching and sport. Just to name a couple of backgrounds.

I am trying to enjoy what I have in front of me and be more myself than squeezing myself into the mainstream. What does independence and a bus stop have got to do with it?

No car – that’s fine, I’ll use what I have to get to a job interview. That right there is independence. I’m not guilt tripping, manipulating or otherwise using people for my own gain, to get somewhere. But in doing what’s moral, I find I gain support regardless. It’s given freely.

I am a proud nerd, and what you see isn’t necessarily what you get when it comes to me. You’ll find a kick-ass Margot Robbie style Aussie personality mixed with a couple of cultures. As a non-self-entitled person you will find me thanking the barista for my coffee and bringing the dish back to the bench.

To society and social rules about attractive people getting away with a lot – I understand that. Because they do. And this annoys me in turn which is why when an attractive person tries manipulating me or flirting with me before requesting something, I don’t give way. I am firm on my word but leave with a smile.

I am the little miss independent nerd at the bus stop. And I am proving that some people have purpose, whatever it looks like they’re chasing. Beyond their image.

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