Competing with each other to look like we’re the best. How healthy is that superlative to our self-esteem?
Me: It’s been a good day.
American friend: Oh yeah?
Me: *sends voice clip*
American friend: Oh yeah *launches into voice clip*
We go into detail about what causes guys to act like douchebags, guys behaviour when they don’t feel adequate – and happily taking back 6 months of our dating lives.
Touching on a ‘triggered’ post in expectations in your 20s, I touched again on the issue guys have – girls too, but they don’t have the effective ‘douchebag behaviour’ label over their heads if they hurt someone or do something unnecessary.
(cheers Eric, I told you I got inspired)
The point of conversation was how I was having a great week (it only being Tuesday) between training for a cool job, coming home to BBQ pizza (excellent decision), red wine and two boxes full of clothes from the parents in Europe (hallelujah! I am not crying). And to add, I had been chatting to a guy who was planning on a visit to Australia in European summer time.
It was the kind of night I couldn’t fall to sleep naturally as I had a huge smile on my face.
…And the subject came to a head. I was told these gestures were perhaps coming from a guy who felt embarrassed from the way he had treated me and his ego was not letting that be communicated (don’t worry, I still got it ). However he was emphasizing that he wanted to use the time to plan a nice trip. And he wanted to hang with me. The news about being embarrassed of his own actions (a theory at best) hit me.
I forget how much I learned to internalize the hurt I got from males around me. And I take it when I feel communication lines are not open (like listening). I play a game. And I asked myself why do I play it. It is when I don’t have enough self-worth in me to go hey buddy you crossed the line, I’m not having fun. I’m going home. OR I have to go meet a friend, go upset someone else at the bar.
When I do have enough self-worth, honesty and many lines come out. My effort leaves like the tide at the beach; he says something smart ass or just not conversation worthy, I send a f-ck off gif or just leave the chat as it is. This is where our younger gen is screwed; no life beyond the screen. And I mean this in the kindest way possible.
The culture, the economy, the business, the mainstream is into sex drugs and rock’n’roll, not to mention subscriptions to stupidity and it is accessible 24/7.
Forget about the black hole in outer space; how about we address the black hole on our planet?
Back to my wonderful point as my American friend pointed out, this is where the crap begins. People lash out when they feel inadequate and insecure, causing douchebag behaviours. And guess what. As I stated just above, we are kind of trapped into a competition unknowingly. KNOWINGLY is when you realize you need to control yourself before you go buy another gadget like some other guy has, or one girl knows more than you, or someone else knows how to use their looks better than you… and you stop, reconsider, and acknowledge that you’re all just people living lives.
Not competing for resources like some … institutions communicate you must. Jobs. Networking, resources, experience, or as one meme put it ‘spending 100k on a 40k job’ with a suit in the background.
My romance for a life in a big corporation died as soon as I walked into it. Whether that’s tragic or not, it gave me amazing life lessons. I hardly ever base my identity of definition of self by my profession or job title. If someone asks what do I do, I normally reply I work for this company. The rest is up to interpretation.
Meanwhile, in the spirit of trying to extend a serious identity, a guy I knew would exclaim ‘I am an engineer!’ but he was probably one of the best talents I’ve witnessed at event management. And I told him he made good ones. He responded by telling me I basically dismissed his hard work at establishing himself as an engineer. The irony is that I never told him that he always bounces back no matter what. And that’s because the man could compliment himself enough to make you gag.
Well, maybe that’s TMI but that’s the impression I got on the part of going out with him that I wish I could take back.
The point of this post, is that you must not forget you have a life that is worthy of living. And that’s got nothing to do with comparisons. That’s just exactly the first step of self-hate.
What I am talking about is just the superficial layer and I know that.
Just check out community posts. Instagram accounts devoted to empowerment and why boundaries are a tool to use to sniff out non-worthy people from your life. Check out the statistics for suicides across the world, domestic violence. Marches against …. Discrimination, violence, women’s rights, gay rights, the right to clean water – to keep your land.
Statistics for divorce. Statistics for health, how much bad food is deteriorating our bodies. Guess what? Without your body, you ain’t worth nothing. You can’t talk, do things, make things – essentially be a human.
Without good parenting you can’t continue living a moral life, a questionable life or a life of love… unless you seek external influence like street kids or extended family members or someone you met through a language course.
We do not love ourselves. We are easy to manipulate, thus rule. We are exhausted from fighting within ourselves. And that kids, is why we don’t have progress in this world.
Guys who apparently don’t feel the need to prove themselves around girls or feel like they’re accepted as they are … will act decent. Become good members of society. Perhaps role models for others.
But society claims, by not being enough of a man – adequate, secure, providing – that you’re not worthy of anything. If you do not have your stuff together, then you are worthless.
In my opinion – and I have had thoughtful agreements on this – it is not the situation that defines you but the direction, decision or choice you make.
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