We are at war with ourselves a lot.
The biggest example I found of this was when I got off the bus at the airport, had some time to chill before work so I stayed at the corner of my favourite café having my brunch in liquid – chatting to a girlfriend about life and … my love life.
I also found plenty in me that I wanted to avoid accepting.
And that’s when I told my girl in all frankness, that when it comes to my own love life –
I have a massive issue with accepting what my heart already knows. And that’s when I realized, there’s a huge project I’m undergoing lately and that’s gluing my heart and mind together.
You can look at the facts, observe things for a million years -research 2,000 papers. You can come to the conclusion only you want. Only you are comfortable with, while the truth stares you in the face.
I know because that’s what happened to me.
All the facts in my love life as I observed – versing the facts my sources were telling me, were strange somewhere. Some gaps which as the researcher as I am, had to go to church to – for confession.
I’m not submissive. He likes that. I’m direct – it seems to work. He wanted someone smart – I am challenging and not taking his crap like his usual crowd of girls would.
This is not a typical Leo and Aries match and all my girlfriends and concerned guy friends call it steamy for a reason (and keep asking how things are: I did NOT ask for a romance novel/action plot quality love life but it found me).
Plot twist, I ran away and cut off my availability, hoping the drama would go away. I was exhausted. And relieved when I put some distance with the offending indecisive bullshit artist.
Several months later, we do a couple of international video chats.
And that’s when I realized, it’s gotta be love.
Because love bends all our human and biological rules (and many other things) and this particular (guy) subject has been a huge exception for me so far. NO ONE knows how this story will end. I can only influence the flow of energy with my actions – and that’s it. After 3 years, that’s all I can conclude.
Love shows up when you see your friends tolerating a lot in a person that they never would otherwise accept. It shows up when a neighbouring colleague brags and gives you a little gift – a bigger coffee, Krispy Kreme’s – a housemate gives a lift and offers a shopping trip in his car. It can also be an older colleague of your parents doing huge favours and getting into discussions about spirituality.
Care comes in many forms.
At times I believe the heart knows more than the head will ever get, and this is only natural. But when it comes to piecing the two together, it’s like a Japanese earthquake to the system.
Easier to ignore the truth and distract yourself from pursuit of care, truth and purpose.
Pretty sure that we are pro’s at that with all our tech in the 21st century.
So how am I gluing my heart and mind together?
I admit my needs. I tend to my new priorities; the essentials like am I fed, warm, getting enough rest?
The hardest one is acknowledging the truth. How am I communicating to my cool boss? Am I setting realistic deadlines for some goals? Am I acknowledging the creative in me and blocking time to write these posts when I’m inspired? Am I being real with friends and myself, calling BS where needed and throwing out positivity when needed?
Some days I struggle, then other days are easy.
Then the hardest questions: how do you ACTUALLY want your life? And are you in love with a guy that some people are waiting for answers and stories like a soap opera and others are advising to run away from – despite the crazy steamy back stories?
Am I letting myself surrender and flow with the times?
The surrender is part of what gives me growth and flow with life. The more I acknowledge the truth the more I’m joined with the source and stop it from eating me up from the inside.
In a culture where fakeness, masks and mainstream are applauded – this stuff takes guts and character. And yet if I look, I find my tribe. Between my housemates, European friends, Uber drivers, workmates and Instagram followers – I find the sparks to my fire.
That’s the trick. Finding the community that accepts you for every single thing you might not accept about yourself. And gives awesome questions and plenty of space to become the next level you.
For me it’s a bunch of entrepreneurs that want to challenge the status quo – people who want to address issues to find satisfying solutions.
I feel that I’m one of them. Then there’s people who just want to live but share my wavelength – and awesome daily memes.
And then you can piece your heart and mind together. Well…. Start to.