It suddenly hit me. I just turned my street corner after going on my walkabout – and it struck me.
For things like depression, anxiety, even broken heart syndrome – all of which I can easily claim to have suffered, I realized people – society – communities – professionals, wanted to ‘diagnose’ people under these symptoms as a way to relieve their own panic.
As if they’ve done something to normalize something ‘not normal’.
R U OK and support groups – that’s society’s and the professional’s way of combatting this phenomenon.
What I dislike with these things is that it’s a ‘once off’, ‘we are here if you need it’, not a ‘wow life can be horrible, let’s get through it and change something’ type of sentiment.
If my relatives or even the guy I’m going out with, cannot appreciate or handle me being sad – ever – then how is it possible the wider network of people can take a good deep, concerned look at the variety of crap people are facing these days and not try shove all the symptoms of a crappy life, under a biological word?
The smartest doctors – surgeons, nurses, you name it – have a way of coping when a human case goes bad. And they do.
More importantly they KNOW better than anyone else, that when sadness etc hits, all the biological symptoms are just signs someone isn’t living right. Whatever umbrella they go under – psychological, metaphysical, biological, mental – are you confused by the words already?
I know I would be. And I have 2 degrees, 4 languages and 3 homes around the world.
In fact I reckon words like depression and anxiety are just the extreme cases of nerves and sadness.
I’m telling you, extremes.
Just like people want power games and reach the top by pushing their agenda onto teams – greed and corruption overtakes the top. People want more and stop seeing the moderation in their life. I know this on myself – I had a goal to stock up on clothes. And I did – wanting more. I had to tell myself firmly, to stop.
How many people can do that?
Most of the time all service, business etc I see is devoted to self discipline – and ‘inner’ information. Don’t get me wrong, I would buy the stuff too.
We need support for all our projects. Like losing or gaining weight, reaching a financial goal, travelling or blogging.
Back to the impact of depression, as I saw it for myself – is non-attachment. You have such loathing for the reality, that it turns into numbness and indifference to any issues around you. Post; benefits of indifference. A certain black period in my life was moving in with my parents after finishing and delivering my master thesis – I was so unmotivated to do anything or be anywhere, appetite slowed down – sleep skyrocketed, I existed on my phone. I realized there had been a dramatic change in my life and I did not like it – I knew where I was happiest, hanging out with a party guy going out every second night, surrounded by friends within convenient distance. Or should I say, where I was most excited.
And now, my space AND creative space had been chopped up and under the regulation of people who had high clean standards and concrete understanding of where my stuff should go. To regain some sanity I went into the city to meet international people and hang for a couple of hours; it was barely enough. Later on I booked very last minute a place for two nights so I could volunteer for a start up event at a nearby region and meet up with a friend. Some breathing space.
This was my way of pulling myself out of a dark hole. I don’t know how I made it out but strength and a real fight, has always been in me. I also know now that being sad is not me at all. That emotion drains you of life – you can easily get sick by it. So whenever I feel it flutter past me I get onto anti depression mode, stuffing my social schedule and distracting the bejeezus out of myself.
One thing is to be disattached from life. We are made to live on this planet and not to wither away.
I gathered all this between taking a walk around my local national reserve – figuring out what it was that led me to an ‘out of body’ experience, with plenty of upset and a nice big lead feeling at the pit of my stomach – no matter how much I puffed up the hill. I started making voice clips to a close girlfriend, about the feeling I had.
‘It’s a type of upset but it’s a big one,’ I commented and added calmly, ‘I think I’m heartbroken.’ If this sounds strange, that’s because it is – one of many parts of my project to glue my heart and mind together. (post)
And so I tried to figure out – what was the heartbreak from and how to grieve it. I’ve gone through a lot in my 20s, just 2 years shy of being 30 and this happens.
My life is magical.
My point is, there’s a huge social stigma associated with all the extremities of life in the 21st century. And that’s why ‘health professionals’ ie certified and trained people that know how to deal with the symptoms and culminations of these extremities and their ugliness – suggest ways of getting through these states of mind.
Some people I know pop pills against depression. I know for sure, one thing that’s horrible about that is feeling hopeless and disliking reality. It is a lack of purpose. Or can be about that.
Just like some men can’t get it up in middle age somehow because of build up of resentment towards, wives, life or work – we can’t deal with emotions and realistic experiences. And this builds up over time.
I think we take our minds, hearts and bodies for granted – I know I do at times. Because we are physically very fragile (don’t tell the boys though) and forget how to properly take care of what we have. Post: why are we starving ourselves.
But in all actual fact we are not just starving ourselves of nutrient – we are starved of caring communities altogether.
We might care … but we are also worried about how to handle extreme pain and sadness. We try to relieve that by creating ideas that try acknowledge the people ‘not ok’ and try get them to be happy – but in my firm belief we are bluntly looking away from the real issues.
Smart, analytical people don’t get sad by accident.
I know I didn’t. Communities, pills and drugs solve some nerve endings temporarily.
The harsh judgment of the older generations don’t help.
‘Just get over it’
‘You’ll be fine.’
‘What triggerered this?’
‘Why are you so sensitive?’
So my big-ass questions are these – and taken from my own realistic experiences:
Why is it depression isn’t seen as a mood or a symptom that you’re not living life properly, why is it a taboo thing to discuss.
Why is it also, seen as just ‘epidemic’, ‘trend’, not people’s states of mind right now? We are not rats running around town… or are we?
Why is discontent so scary and why can’t people accept that you can’t be happy and satisfied all the time? I know my family can’t.
– hence you hide a sadness until you’ve processed it –
OR – you justify your happiness on sad people around you
Why do we have extremities in our lives and why do we accept them? Confused relationships, situationships, behaviours, workplace discord and power games, immigration and angry pushy people in public.
Why don’t we have holistic approach to mental illnesses and states of mind? We are just disconnected and prefer to put people into mental clinics. The joke is on you, the whole planet is a mental clinic.