Some time ago I came across a meme saying “what if to get pregnant, a woman had to have an orgasm? There would be 11 people on the planet”.
It’s funny because it’s true.
No joke, I have read this awesome blog on Marriage Under Threat. I have bought books on Dirty Talk – insights from men and women and they are very different! There is a book called “She Comes First” by a guy who makes amazing stories and instructions on the vagina with no references to the penis apart from locker room jokes – which I found glorious. (Authored by Ian Kerner, you’re welcome)
I have followed this awesome guy called Trevor Boehm who published a book called Man Uncivilized… making it maybe my 3rd book for my birthday. I am also a big fan of Derrick Jaxn, coach and author of Don’t Forget Your Crown. And who can forget the popular Canadian professor Jordan Peterson, who I’m also a fan of.
All of this leads to male troubles: the modern world right now is saturated full of feminine imagery, pornography, faces for commercial gain and insinuation of sex to make a quick buck. And holy crap that’s a lot of quick bucks!
Male troubles are about male leadership, male journeys, maturity and provision. Accountability and responsibility. Not sending dick pics, harassing women for a sexual favour, masturbation, pornography and overall consumption of women. — the actual wording I got from a clip thanks to Derrick Jaxn.
Which happens all the time.
In fact I’m triggered to write this post based on perhaps a 3rd dude sliding into my DMs asking ‘for a picture’. And when I say 3rd dude, I mean a guy who I chatted to, turned out to be studying law, asking for boob sizes. Another was from the military – some British Greek guy who claimed pornography was no longer enough for him, also asking for some random pictures. The first guy… well I’ve had a few come by say ‘hi.’
Guys, all girls know what that hello means. Come up with some creative conversation!
I guess the male mind got used to pushing the lever for instant pornography and hook ups. Which is so very dangerous. Just about all content is made for the male fantasy! And it is insane immaturity at the heart of it. Hollywood knows the easiest buck to target is the disposable income of the twenty, thirty-year-old male. Well – the traditional Hollywood producer knows it. And it looks so obvious with the crap video-game-esque movies like Thor, Aquaman and other Marvel stuff.
I’ve read points on male insecurity – how penetration is the mainstream idea of ‘being the man’ and ‘banging that chick’ when it never was. And penetration takes you away from the insecurities of trying to please a woman – find her arousal spots, get her to climax and then do your thing. The insecurity also means no erection. Meaning while you’re aroused, to get to climax without worrying about the female body getting off. You just use it. (the female body)
The amount of points of why guys do what they do… is astounding but what I get pissed about the most is that it’s the women who get pressured into family making when they’re surrounded by pigs (and I’ve heard guys around me say the same) who do as they please, completely unbothered by society even at 40.
My most brilliant tries at the female orgasm – by which I mean surprise experiences – were usually at the hands of the Latinos. Never got so turned on by substantial Spanish speakers, who knew where to kiss to cloud your vision and where to press to make you wet. Leading by taking you wherever you wanted – paying – and making you a part of their large communities faster than you can say ‘tacos!’. I’m pretty sure I’ve had mini orgasms thanks to the attentive kissing of the knuckles (hands).
I’m not actually trying to arouse anyone here – my point is, some cultures make a point of making sure everyone is happy. And the guys that ended up chasing me had more experience, confidence and were assertive – than the typical western guy at thirty. That alone has a push and pull factor; twenty-seven-year-old me was thrilled by it.
These guys took their time, really smelled in their woman, heard her, made sure she knew she’s appreciated. I think that’s the fundamental female orgasm – the knowledge that she’s being respectfully pursued and the “subject of a man’s unbridled lust”… read that somewhere.
After all, making a woman come is actually all for the men’s delight. It’s biblical!
It’s just unfortunate how we got so disconnected in this crazy world that women have their heads in 7 different places, nowhere near the sexual department. Which men make absolute priority of. Just funny.
Guys and girls – you want the same thing.
Synchronicity. Whether in sex, teamwork or creating a nest together.
From housemates idle chat to speaking with dating coaches to personal experience… this is the feedback.
Male attention is a curious topic for me since I never dated to be in a relationship (although I’m always open minded about where the road leads). I dated to go out, meet people, learn about myself and have fun finding ‘my person’.
And it worked! But the formula is pretty mysterious: respect, the chase, 100% focus and adoration. (appreciation) (post)
If along that way masculine assertiveness and confidence died – so did the attraction, so did the chase, so did me feeling sexy and feminine. I have had times when a guy bailed out on the belief I was seeing other guys – after a few phone calls. With him. You want to go out with a sexy guy, not a headache.
Sayonara to that one.
Social conditioning… depending on the culture you’re from, will dictate how because men are stronger and perhaps superior, means women shouldn’t have a say on things, be a priority and basically let men do their thing. Which would explain why we women find it easier to please guys…
But of course we resent them later for not giving us anything back. The orgasm is a love language on its own: appreciation and care.
I remember a chat I had with an old high school girlfriend about the sex drugs and rockn’roll hallway everyone passes. She said authoritatively, that I wasn’t missing anything with sex – which I found was quite meaningful as she had the most experience out of our whole school group. It led me to wonder what information we were being fed in those fun teenage magazines.
“what if to get pregnant, a woman had to have an orgasm? There would be 11 people on the planet”.
Comedy = status quo in my eyes. It’s sheer mockery of wider issues… sometimes in a nasty way.